Over the last two weeks, I've fallen back into some bad habits. Most prominent among them are: boredom eating, overeating, oversleeping, antisocial moroseness, general misanthropy, chronic overspending, desperation in romantic matters, cigarettes, and poorly-masked alcoholism. Basically: all symptoms of an underlying condition that probably needs serious psychotherapy to set right. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I haven't yet admitted any of these things to anyone outside of my own head. So for the moment, my mini-dramas remain my own, and I can deal with them as I wish. And I decided that this was the perfect time to cleanse again.
I'd bought lemons in anticipation of this event about a week ago. I bought maple syrup from the health food store a few days ago. I still had cayenne pepper, so I was just waiting until I would stop putting off beating my numerous addictions to start the process. It isn't about weight loss. That's what I always tell myself. It's not about weight loss, or the slight (who am I joking? Massive) ego boost I get from being able to affect my body so drastically in such a short amount of time. It's about being healthy. It's about being comfortable in my skin. It's about exerting some modicum of control over my downward-spiraling habits. It's about not admitting that I probably have some form of eating disorder at this point. Scratch that last.
So this morning, I made my 72 ounces of daily-allotted food/drink and went on my way to work. Did I mention the mensies are back in town? Joy of joys. I have a few rituals about starting things. I've heard that weight-loss regimens, or serious commitments, are best kept by women if they make the resolution shortly after their period. I don't know why that would help, but it can't hurt. Also, Sundays seem like good days to start things on. It's technically the first day of the week. And stuff. Those are my only two rituals. What, were you expecting a full-moon dance (bazinga!) with burnt offerings? Perhaps a visit to the local charnel house? Nothing nearly that dramatic, I'm afraid.
In spite of the stomach cramps, general fatigue, and weeks of poor eating habits, I launched straight into day one on a day when I had to work for five hours on my feet. It was ridiculously hot and bright and unreasonably cheery for April. I almost miss the winter already. Work was fine, in spite of my half-hour early arrival. I finally picked up Shantaram, though I can't actually read it until I'm done with The Name of the Rose, which I put on hiatus during my day of rest (Saturday) for the Fables graphic novels. I've now finished Fables, and expect to breeze through the end of the Eco book by next blog post. I took a sneak peek at the first ten pages of Shantaram, and am undecided, but it seems decent, and comes highly-recommended.
In other news, I have a splitting migraine, and throat soreness. And a lot of books to read. But I decided that I would document my days on the cleanse, so look forward to more frequent updates.
So far: I feel crappy. I had a few cubes of watermelon when I came home because everyone was sitting around the table and it's my favorite, plus I haven't had my day's supply of the cleanse drink yet, and probably won't at this point. The headache might very well be caffeine withdrawal, which I go through every single fucking time I stop drinking it after a week or so with coffee and normal tea. Now, I'm back on the herbal sissy stuff, and feeling like a small flock of fairies decided to crawl on my face and stick tiny, invisible needles into my eye sockets during sleep. I also had lots of water, and some chamomile tea, but I still feel like a warm piece of poop. My metaphors have never been tighter. I adore waking up earlier than I ever wanted to. I also love feeling every tiny little cut on my hand as a result of the constant lemon juice I'm squeezing. Nine more days of this shit?
More coming soon. If I recall, the first three days are always the hardest.
No comments:
Post a Comment